Pages 1-100
Pages 101-200
Pages 201-300
Pages 301-400
Pages 401-500
Pages 501-600
Pages 601-700
Pages 701-807:
1. She told herself she would die for him, if she must. She was the blood of the dragon, she would not be afraid. Her brother Rhaegar had died for the woman he loved.
STOP TRYING TO TELL ME THAT DANY LOVES DROGO. THAT IS NOT HOW LOVE WORKS.
2. 2/3 of a page spent on Bran listing out all the dead kings from whom the Starks are descended. Waste of space.
3. Drogo held her in strong arms, and his hand stroked her sex and opened her and woke that sweet wetness that was his alone, and the stars smiled down on them, stars in a daylight sky. "Home," she whispered as he entered her and filled her with his seed, but suddenly the stars were gone, and across the blue sky swept the great wings, and the world took flame.
Do I even need to say anything? I thought not. Most discerning readers should be hearing alarm bells just reading that passage.
4. "I understand that you loved him," Ser Jorah said in a voice thick with despair.
I despair as well, when a relationship like this is written as if it was some sort of epic life-changing love.
Aaaand I think I'm done with this stage of the review. Phew! That's nice. Now only a little bit more agony remains to me before I can get rid of this stupid book.
Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
A Game of Thrones rant, part 7
Pages 1-100
Pages 101-200
Pages 201-300
Pages 301-400
Pages 401-500
Pages 501-600
Pages 601-700:
1. Sometimes she prayed in the godswood as well, since the Starks kept the old gods.
One of Martin's greatest writing foibles is the fact that he likes to repeat thngs over and over with the exact same wording. Maybe he thinks that in an 800 page book a few precise repetitions will go unnoticed: this is not true. It's noticeable. It's also really really frustrating.
2. When Ned is in prison, nearly an entire page is devoted to an unnecessary flashback. This adds nothing to the book. It adds nothing to Ned. It doesn't spur him to action, because he's basically about to die when it happens. Its only possible purpose is... to remind readers of questions that won't be answered because he dies? To add a modicum of dramatic irony? Bullshit. It's there because no one bothered to cut this thing down to side the way it so badly needs to be.
3. "You want me to serve the woman who murdered my king, butchered my men, and crippled my son?" Ned's voice was thick with disbelief.
"I want you to serve the realm," Varys said.
WHY DOES EVERYONE HOLD NED UP AS AN HONORABLE CHARACTER? He's only honorable to the point that it cripples him. In a different (better written) context, I might call it his tragic flaw; here, it's just the one supposedly good character acting like an idiot and making things far more personal than they need to be because he's being pushed around by the plot and an author who refuses to give his characters any agency.
4. "I'm ninety and I remember very well. I remember what to do with a woman, too. That wife of mine will give me a son before this time next year, I'll wager. Or a daughter, that can't be helped."
I'm
just
so
tired
of
crudity
in
contexts
where
it
has
no
place.
5. The pommel was a hunk of pale stone weighted with lead to balance the long blade. It had been carved into the likeness of a snarling wolf's head, with chips of garnet set into the eyes. The grip was virgin leather, soft and black, as yet unstained by sweat or blood. The blade itself was a good half foot longer than those Jon was used to, tapered to thrust as well as slash, with three fullers deeply incised in the metal. Where Ice was a true two-handed greatsword, this was a hand-and-a-halfer, sometimes named a "bastard sword." Yet the wolf sword actually seemed lighter than the blades he had wielded before. When Jon turned it sideways, he could see the ripples in the dark steel where the metal had been folded back on itself again and again. "This is Valyrian steel, my lord," he said wonderingly. His father had let him handle Ice enough; he knew the look, the feel.
Jon is such a Mary-Sue. He's got the angsty past, the family that adores him despite all his supposed personality flaws, the skills, the comfortable background, the giant unusual animal familiar, the special weapon, and I hear later he develops magic. As a matter of fact, I ran him through the Mary Sue Litmus Test and he scored a 37 which, for those of you not familiar with it, puts him squarely in pure Sue territory.
6. Khal Drogo smiled. "See how fierce she grows!" he said. "It is my son inside her, the stallion who mounts the world, filling her with his fire."
This relationship - argh. The way he refers to her like this on the same page that they call each other 'sun of my life' and 'moon of my life'. The way he attributes her assertiveness to his son. The way he doesn't seem to see her as anything more than a vessel for his children. This relationship just continually horrifies me.
7. Tyrion and Shae. I'm not going to post a quote for this because frankly it squicks me out waaaay too much. Let's just say that Martin could have made his point, if he had one, without such bizarre and really creepy descriptions of them having sex. It's intensely disturbing.
Last 100 pages tomorrow! I'm really, really, really looking forward to being done with this.
Pages 101-200
Pages 201-300
Pages 301-400
Pages 401-500
Pages 501-600
Pages 601-700:
1. Sometimes she prayed in the godswood as well, since the Starks kept the old gods.
One of Martin's greatest writing foibles is the fact that he likes to repeat thngs over and over with the exact same wording. Maybe he thinks that in an 800 page book a few precise repetitions will go unnoticed: this is not true. It's noticeable. It's also really really frustrating.
2. When Ned is in prison, nearly an entire page is devoted to an unnecessary flashback. This adds nothing to the book. It adds nothing to Ned. It doesn't spur him to action, because he's basically about to die when it happens. Its only possible purpose is... to remind readers of questions that won't be answered because he dies? To add a modicum of dramatic irony? Bullshit. It's there because no one bothered to cut this thing down to side the way it so badly needs to be.
3. "You want me to serve the woman who murdered my king, butchered my men, and crippled my son?" Ned's voice was thick with disbelief.
"I want you to serve the realm," Varys said.
WHY DOES EVERYONE HOLD NED UP AS AN HONORABLE CHARACTER? He's only honorable to the point that it cripples him. In a different (better written) context, I might call it his tragic flaw; here, it's just the one supposedly good character acting like an idiot and making things far more personal than they need to be because he's being pushed around by the plot and an author who refuses to give his characters any agency.
4. "I'm ninety and I remember very well. I remember what to do with a woman, too. That wife of mine will give me a son before this time next year, I'll wager. Or a daughter, that can't be helped."
I'm
just
so
tired
of
crudity
in
contexts
where
it
has
no
place.
5. The pommel was a hunk of pale stone weighted with lead to balance the long blade. It had been carved into the likeness of a snarling wolf's head, with chips of garnet set into the eyes. The grip was virgin leather, soft and black, as yet unstained by sweat or blood. The blade itself was a good half foot longer than those Jon was used to, tapered to thrust as well as slash, with three fullers deeply incised in the metal. Where Ice was a true two-handed greatsword, this was a hand-and-a-halfer, sometimes named a "bastard sword." Yet the wolf sword actually seemed lighter than the blades he had wielded before. When Jon turned it sideways, he could see the ripples in the dark steel where the metal had been folded back on itself again and again. "This is Valyrian steel, my lord," he said wonderingly. His father had let him handle Ice enough; he knew the look, the feel.
Jon is such a Mary-Sue. He's got the angsty past, the family that adores him despite all his supposed personality flaws, the skills, the comfortable background, the giant unusual animal familiar, the special weapon, and I hear later he develops magic. As a matter of fact, I ran him through the Mary Sue Litmus Test and he scored a 37 which, for those of you not familiar with it, puts him squarely in pure Sue territory.
6. Khal Drogo smiled. "See how fierce she grows!" he said. "It is my son inside her, the stallion who mounts the world, filling her with his fire."
This relationship - argh. The way he refers to her like this on the same page that they call each other 'sun of my life' and 'moon of my life'. The way he attributes her assertiveness to his son. The way he doesn't seem to see her as anything more than a vessel for his children. This relationship just continually horrifies me.
7. Tyrion and Shae. I'm not going to post a quote for this because frankly it squicks me out waaaay too much. Let's just say that Martin could have made his point, if he had one, without such bizarre and really creepy descriptions of them having sex. It's intensely disturbing.
Last 100 pages tomorrow! I'm really, really, really looking forward to being done with this.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
A Game of Thrones rant, part 6
(Look at this! Look how close I am to being done with this segment of the review! 75% woot woot!)
Pages 1-100
Pages 101-200
Pages 201-300
Pages 301-400
Pages 401-500
Pages 501-600:
1. Cayn helped him with his clothes; white linen tunic and grey cloak, trousers cut open down his plaster-sheathed leg, his badge of office, and last of all a belt of heavy silver links.
Irrelevant. That is all.
2. Robert sends everyone out of the room and then he has Ned scribe his will. Tell me he wasn't intended to be smart, because he was an idiot. This is basic logic: if no one witnesses what the king says but the person who appears to most benefit from it, no one else will believe it. Robert should have known better - hell, Ned should have known better too. And Martin should have known better than to use such an obvious plot device.
3. Men would whisper afterward that Eddard Stark had betrayed his king's friendship and disinherited his sons; he could only hope that the gods would know better, and that Robert would learn the truth of it in the land beyond the grave.
Let's talk a little about perspective, shall we? Specifically, what this book is written in, which would be third-person limited. It shifts focus from character to character depending on the chapter, but it is consistently third-person limited. The chapters are not written from the characters' points of view, as they would be in first; nor are they written as if by a narrator who sees all, as they would be in third person omniscient. Instead, they are limited: written without using 'I' but also allowing the author to focus on a character's thoughts, feelings, or impressions when he needs to. It's really a marvelously versatile perspective, and one which can be used to great effect.
If, that is, the author actually understands what they're doing.
The sentences above would be fine in third omniscient, where the narrator could presumably know how Eddard would be regarded later; given that not only is Eddard Stark not prescient nor does he outlive this book, there is zero logic for a sentence like this appearing in third limited from his perspective.
4. Even when Littlefinger lays out before him all the disastrous consequences of his actions, Ned refuses to give up the moral high ground for such trivial things as practicality and keeping his family alive. I've heard him referred to as the only likeable character in the book - where did people see that? If he had compromised his principles to do the most logical thing, despite the pain it caused him, he might have been likeable to me. If even once he put concrete things before vague concepts, he might have been likeable to me. You know what I think of Ned Stark? I think he's a naive idealist who never grew up and faced the real world, and if I were to mourn his death I would mourn it for what it is: the death of an innocent too juvenile in mind to have yet become noble.
5. "Hodor," Hodor agreed. He was dripping wet from the neck down, steaming in the chill air. His body was covered with brown hair, thick as a pelt. Between his legs his manhood swung long and heavy.
Is Hodor's penis important to the story? No? WELL THEN WHAT THE HELL IS IT DOING HERE? Look, I think everyone knows that men have penises. This is basically accepted fact. That Martin feels the need to emphasize his characters' 'manhoods' (which euphemism he uses over and over) strikes me as a wee bit strange.
6. When he had taken his pleasure, Khal Drogo rose from their sleeping mats to tower above her. His skin shone dark as bronze in the ruddy light from the brazier, the fait lines of old scars visible on his broad chest. Ink-black hair, loose and unbound, cascaded over his shoulders and down his back, well past his waist. His manhood glistened wetly.
See, there it is again. Honestly, what is it with Martin and these 'manhoods'?
Anyhow, my bigger problem with this quote is the way the relationship between Drogo and Dany is portrayed. Even when she's supposed to regard him with affection at the least, love at the most, sex between them is not a loving affair: it is business; he 'takes his pleasure'. This is not, I repeat, is not a healthy relationship - and yet it is portrayed as something powerful and real. No. What it is is a young woman, barely even a teenager, being repeatedly raped and then being forced by the authority of the writer into an unbalanced, unnatural, unhealthy state of caring for her rapist. In all their sex scenes, before and after Dany's bizarre character shift, Drogo appears as a dominant force. Call me crazy, but this reads like fantasies creeping out. Yeah, I said it. FIGHT ME.
601-700 on Thursday.
Pages 1-100
Pages 101-200
Pages 201-300
Pages 301-400
Pages 401-500
Pages 501-600:
1. Cayn helped him with his clothes; white linen tunic and grey cloak, trousers cut open down his plaster-sheathed leg, his badge of office, and last of all a belt of heavy silver links.
Irrelevant. That is all.
2. Robert sends everyone out of the room and then he has Ned scribe his will. Tell me he wasn't intended to be smart, because he was an idiot. This is basic logic: if no one witnesses what the king says but the person who appears to most benefit from it, no one else will believe it. Robert should have known better - hell, Ned should have known better too. And Martin should have known better than to use such an obvious plot device.
3. Men would whisper afterward that Eddard Stark had betrayed his king's friendship and disinherited his sons; he could only hope that the gods would know better, and that Robert would learn the truth of it in the land beyond the grave.
Let's talk a little about perspective, shall we? Specifically, what this book is written in, which would be third-person limited. It shifts focus from character to character depending on the chapter, but it is consistently third-person limited. The chapters are not written from the characters' points of view, as they would be in first; nor are they written as if by a narrator who sees all, as they would be in third person omniscient. Instead, they are limited: written without using 'I' but also allowing the author to focus on a character's thoughts, feelings, or impressions when he needs to. It's really a marvelously versatile perspective, and one which can be used to great effect.
If, that is, the author actually understands what they're doing.
The sentences above would be fine in third omniscient, where the narrator could presumably know how Eddard would be regarded later; given that not only is Eddard Stark not prescient nor does he outlive this book, there is zero logic for a sentence like this appearing in third limited from his perspective.
4. Even when Littlefinger lays out before him all the disastrous consequences of his actions, Ned refuses to give up the moral high ground for such trivial things as practicality and keeping his family alive. I've heard him referred to as the only likeable character in the book - where did people see that? If he had compromised his principles to do the most logical thing, despite the pain it caused him, he might have been likeable to me. If even once he put concrete things before vague concepts, he might have been likeable to me. You know what I think of Ned Stark? I think he's a naive idealist who never grew up and faced the real world, and if I were to mourn his death I would mourn it for what it is: the death of an innocent too juvenile in mind to have yet become noble.
5. "Hodor," Hodor agreed. He was dripping wet from the neck down, steaming in the chill air. His body was covered with brown hair, thick as a pelt. Between his legs his manhood swung long and heavy.
Is Hodor's penis important to the story? No? WELL THEN WHAT THE HELL IS IT DOING HERE? Look, I think everyone knows that men have penises. This is basically accepted fact. That Martin feels the need to emphasize his characters' 'manhoods' (which euphemism he uses over and over) strikes me as a wee bit strange.
6. When he had taken his pleasure, Khal Drogo rose from their sleeping mats to tower above her. His skin shone dark as bronze in the ruddy light from the brazier, the fait lines of old scars visible on his broad chest. Ink-black hair, loose and unbound, cascaded over his shoulders and down his back, well past his waist. His manhood glistened wetly.
See, there it is again. Honestly, what is it with Martin and these 'manhoods'?
Anyhow, my bigger problem with this quote is the way the relationship between Drogo and Dany is portrayed. Even when she's supposed to regard him with affection at the least, love at the most, sex between them is not a loving affair: it is business; he 'takes his pleasure'. This is not, I repeat, is not a healthy relationship - and yet it is portrayed as something powerful and real. No. What it is is a young woman, barely even a teenager, being repeatedly raped and then being forced by the authority of the writer into an unbalanced, unnatural, unhealthy state of caring for her rapist. In all their sex scenes, before and after Dany's bizarre character shift, Drogo appears as a dominant force. Call me crazy, but this reads like fantasies creeping out. Yeah, I said it. FIGHT ME.
601-700 on Thursday.
Monday, November 14, 2011
A Game of Thrones rant, part 5
Pages 1-100
Pages 101-200
Pages 201-300
Pages 301-400
Pages 401-500:
1. "I looked for you on the Trident," Ned said to them.
"We were not there," Ser Gerold answered.
"Woe to the Usurper if we had been," said Ser Oswell.
"When King's Landing fell, Ser Jaime slew your king with a golden sword, and I wondered where you were."
"Far away," Ser Gerold said, "or Aerys would yet sit on the Iron Throne, and our false brother would burn in seven hells."
"I came down on Storm's End to lift the siege," Ned told them, "and the Lords Tyrell and Redwyne dipped their banners, and all their knights bent the knee to pledge us fealty. I was certain you would be among them."
No one talks like this. And I don't just mean in a modern context - I mean in the book. There is no precedent for this stilted, highly formalized speech. If it were in a retelling of a legend, it might be justified, but this is Ned's memory; people should sound like human beings, not exaggerated legendary figures.
2. "I know, child." The black fish that fastened his cloak was Brynden's only concession to ornament. "I had to hear it from Maester Colemon."
Nit-picky, maybe, but WHAT IS THAT SENTENCE DOING THERE? It has nothing to do with the dialogue bracketing it, and in fact there's no reason for Catelyn to have noticed it in particular here.
Was this book edited at all? The writing is so technically incompetent that I genuinely have to wonder.
3. And it must be said of Ser Vardis Egen that he was true to his lady's command, even to the last.
Mr. Martin, no more writing books for you until you learn what perspective is and how to keep to it, and that this is not something you can write in third-person limited. Honestly, this is the kind of mistake I would expect from... from Alexandra Adornetto, and she's a teenager so she has more excuse.
4. Your half brothers, a voice in side reminded him. And Lady Stark, who will not welcome you. There was no place for him in Winterfell, no place in King's Landing either. Even his own mother had not had a place for him.
Wah wah wah poor John Snow's life is so miserable. Raised by his lord father, instead of abandoned; treated and trained almost like a full son; surrounded by half-siblings who adore him; accompanied by an albino direwolf who obeys his every command - YEAH, I'M SO SORRY FOR HIM. Not. And his wangst, unjustified as it is, is really tiresome. Maybe if Martin had bothered to show how Catelyn made him feel unwelcome at Winterfell, instead of telling - but no.
5. "I love him, Father, I truly truly do, I love him as much as Queen Naerys loved Prince Aemon the Dragonknight, as much as Jonquil loved Ser Florian. I want to be his queen and have his babies."
This may be a function of my own complete lack of maternal instinct, but children proclaiming their desire for progeny really really really squick me out. As if Sansa weren't bad enough already - she's a spoiled, selfish, unsympathetic brat - she hits that button too.
6. I really, really wonder how all these nobles - particularly the noble women - became as crass as they are. Nothing in Martin's portrayal of their lives indicates the kind of environment where they would become accustomed to talking about sex so casually.
7. Urgh. The next quote I thought about adding here is just too disgusting. Sorry. Let's just say that Martin writes some of the squickiest sex scenes I've ever encountered outside of The Handmaid's Tale, and that says something considering that Atwood's purpose was to gross her readers out.
8. Khal Drogo spoke a few brusque sentences in Dothraki, and she knew he understood. The sun of her life stepped down from the high bench.
I got really pissed really quickly about the way Dany thinks of Drogo in such endearing terms. At no point in the entire book is the fact that he repeatedly raped her addressed. She just magically comes to love him for no reason whatsoever - and the guy does not have a loveable personality. Their interactions show zero mutual respect or attraction, and even after she's supposed to be his 'moon of my life', he talks about her as if she were chattel. It's disgusting. And while it would still be squicky, it would not be nearly as disturbing if Martin didn't just skate over it like it wasn't there.
Pages 501-600 tomorrow.
Pages 101-200
Pages 201-300
Pages 301-400
Pages 401-500:
1. "I looked for you on the Trident," Ned said to them.
"We were not there," Ser Gerold answered.
"Woe to the Usurper if we had been," said Ser Oswell.
"When King's Landing fell, Ser Jaime slew your king with a golden sword, and I wondered where you were."
"Far away," Ser Gerold said, "or Aerys would yet sit on the Iron Throne, and our false brother would burn in seven hells."
"I came down on Storm's End to lift the siege," Ned told them, "and the Lords Tyrell and Redwyne dipped their banners, and all their knights bent the knee to pledge us fealty. I was certain you would be among them."
No one talks like this. And I don't just mean in a modern context - I mean in the book. There is no precedent for this stilted, highly formalized speech. If it were in a retelling of a legend, it might be justified, but this is Ned's memory; people should sound like human beings, not exaggerated legendary figures.
2. "I know, child." The black fish that fastened his cloak was Brynden's only concession to ornament. "I had to hear it from Maester Colemon."
Nit-picky, maybe, but WHAT IS THAT SENTENCE DOING THERE? It has nothing to do with the dialogue bracketing it, and in fact there's no reason for Catelyn to have noticed it in particular here.
Was this book edited at all? The writing is so technically incompetent that I genuinely have to wonder.
3. And it must be said of Ser Vardis Egen that he was true to his lady's command, even to the last.
Mr. Martin, no more writing books for you until you learn what perspective is and how to keep to it, and that this is not something you can write in third-person limited. Honestly, this is the kind of mistake I would expect from... from Alexandra Adornetto, and she's a teenager so she has more excuse.
4. Your half brothers, a voice in side reminded him. And Lady Stark, who will not welcome you. There was no place for him in Winterfell, no place in King's Landing either. Even his own mother had not had a place for him.
Wah wah wah poor John Snow's life is so miserable. Raised by his lord father, instead of abandoned; treated and trained almost like a full son; surrounded by half-siblings who adore him; accompanied by an albino direwolf who obeys his every command - YEAH, I'M SO SORRY FOR HIM. Not. And his wangst, unjustified as it is, is really tiresome. Maybe if Martin had bothered to show how Catelyn made him feel unwelcome at Winterfell, instead of telling - but no.
5. "I love him, Father, I truly truly do, I love him as much as Queen Naerys loved Prince Aemon the Dragonknight, as much as Jonquil loved Ser Florian. I want to be his queen and have his babies."
This may be a function of my own complete lack of maternal instinct, but children proclaiming their desire for progeny really really really squick me out. As if Sansa weren't bad enough already - she's a spoiled, selfish, unsympathetic brat - she hits that button too.
6. I really, really wonder how all these nobles - particularly the noble women - became as crass as they are. Nothing in Martin's portrayal of their lives indicates the kind of environment where they would become accustomed to talking about sex so casually.
7. Urgh. The next quote I thought about adding here is just too disgusting. Sorry. Let's just say that Martin writes some of the squickiest sex scenes I've ever encountered outside of The Handmaid's Tale, and that says something considering that Atwood's purpose was to gross her readers out.
8. Khal Drogo spoke a few brusque sentences in Dothraki, and she knew he understood. The sun of her life stepped down from the high bench.
I got really pissed really quickly about the way Dany thinks of Drogo in such endearing terms. At no point in the entire book is the fact that he repeatedly raped her addressed. She just magically comes to love him for no reason whatsoever - and the guy does not have a loveable personality. Their interactions show zero mutual respect or attraction, and even after she's supposed to be his 'moon of my life', he talks about her as if she were chattel. It's disgusting. And while it would still be squicky, it would not be nearly as disturbing if Martin didn't just skate over it like it wasn't there.
Pages 501-600 tomorrow.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
A Game of Thrones rant, part 4
Pages 1-100
Pages 101-200
Pages 201-300
Pages 301-400:
1. "Oh, Cersei is lovely to look at, truly, but cold... the way she guards her cunt, you'd think she had all the gold of Casterly Rock between her legs. Here, give me that beer if you won't drink it."
Were we supposed to be sad when Robert Baratheon died? If so, why? Even through Ned's eyes, he's shown to be a drunkard, irresponsible, impolite, crude, and generally unpleasant - and Ned is supposedly one of his closest friends. He's never given positive characterization that might, you know, make him three-dimensional (unless you count when Ned is mourning for him, in which case it all reads like ret-con).
2. To be honest, I only had three things marked in this section, and upon reexamining them, I decided I don't want to include the other two here. In one case, it's just that at this point I feel that I've posted a lot of crude stuff from this book to my blog, and I really don't want to put too much of it up. Instead, I will say this: the book, all of it, is really unbearably crude. Not 'crude for art's sake' or 'crude because the characters should talk like that', because it's throughout the whole thing and used tastelessly. I've heard this described as a 'soap opera for men' and I think that's exactly right, especially as it plays off of some stereotypes of men the way soap operas play off of sterotypes of women - as they seem to expect all women to thrive on emotional drama and long smooches, this book serves up a big dish of sterotypically male fare like blood! sex! cussing! crude descriptions of female genitalia! I refuse to believe that men are that simple - none of the ones I know are, at least.
Pages 101-200
Pages 201-300
Pages 301-400:
1. "Oh, Cersei is lovely to look at, truly, but cold... the way she guards her cunt, you'd think she had all the gold of Casterly Rock between her legs. Here, give me that beer if you won't drink it."
Were we supposed to be sad when Robert Baratheon died? If so, why? Even through Ned's eyes, he's shown to be a drunkard, irresponsible, impolite, crude, and generally unpleasant - and Ned is supposedly one of his closest friends. He's never given positive characterization that might, you know, make him three-dimensional (unless you count when Ned is mourning for him, in which case it all reads like ret-con).
2. To be honest, I only had three things marked in this section, and upon reexamining them, I decided I don't want to include the other two here. In one case, it's just that at this point I feel that I've posted a lot of crude stuff from this book to my blog, and I really don't want to put too much of it up. Instead, I will say this: the book, all of it, is really unbearably crude. Not 'crude for art's sake' or 'crude because the characters should talk like that', because it's throughout the whole thing and used tastelessly. I've heard this described as a 'soap opera for men' and I think that's exactly right, especially as it plays off of some stereotypes of men the way soap operas play off of sterotypes of women - as they seem to expect all women to thrive on emotional drama and long smooches, this book serves up a big dish of sterotypically male fare like blood! sex! cussing! crude descriptions of female genitalia! I refuse to believe that men are that simple - none of the ones I know are, at least.
Friday, November 11, 2011
A Game of Thrones rant, part 3
Pages 1-100
Pages 101-200
Pages 201-300:
1. Dany is described thus after her 'marriage' to Drogo: Her thighs were chafed raw, her hands blistered from the reins, the muscles of her legs and back so wracked with pain that she could scarcely sit.
And then...
Yet every night, some time before dawn, Drogo would come to her tent and wake her in the dark, to ride her as relentlessly as he road his stallion. He always took her from behind, Dothraki fashion, for which Dany was grateful; that way her lord husband could not see the tears that wet her face, and she could use her pillow to muffle her cries of pain.
CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW FUCKED UP THIS RELATIONSHIP IS? PLEASE, DEAR GOD, CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT? THIS IS LITERALLY THE MOST DISTURBING RELATIONSHIP I'VE EVER READ, AND IT IS TREATED AS SOMETHING THAT MADE DANY STRONGER AND WHICH EVENTUALLY TURNED INTO LOVE. EXCUSE ME, MARTIN YOU SICK FUCK, THAT IS NOT HOW PEOPLE WORK.
2. And then and then...
She began to find pleasure even in her nights, and if she still cried out when Drogo took her, it was not always in pain.
Is this supposed to be romance growing? Or character development? Because what it is is an incredibly extreme form of Stockholm syndrome and to be honest, it's character regression. Dany loses all her (justified) fear of Drogo and unhappiness about her situation because... somehow she starts to enjoy the sex? Forgive me, but that sounds a lot like someone's terribly twisted fantasy.
3. "The common people pray for rain, healthy children, and a summer that never ends," Ser Jorah told her. "It is no matter to them if the high lords play their game of thrones, so long as they are left in peace." He gave a shrug. "They never are."
One of the worst things about this book is that it shows flashes of being good. This, right here, this is an interesting theme. Of course, Martin can't actually explore it, because every single one of his characters are melodramatically placed nobles. It's so, so frustrating to see moments like this, when it looks like it could become something interesting and real and important, and then it swerves away into more unnecessary sex scenes.
4. She rode him as fiercely as ever she had ridden her silver, and when the moment of his pleasure came, Khal Drogo called out her name.
They were on the far side of the Dothraki sea when Jhiqui brushed the soft swell of Dany's stomach with her fingers and said, "Khaleesi, you are with child."
"I know," Dany told her.
It was her fourteenth name day.
JESUS FUCK THESE TWO I CANNOT EVEN
I CAN'T
I FUCKING CAN'T
THIS IS THE MOST DISTURBING RELATIONSHIP I HAVE EVER, EVER READ.
THE.
MOST.
5. Two solid pages describing every single knight in the tournament, their armor, their coats of arms, and a whole lot of shit no one cares about. TWO SOLID PAGES. And I am not exaggerationg one bit; if anything, I'm underestimating the exact length.
6. And now the world would forget his name too, Sansa realized; there would be no songs sung for him. That was sad.
Yet again, here is an interesting theme - the way the nobility discards not only commoners, but sometimes its own as well - which is briefly mentioned, dismissed with a trivial understatement of bland emotion, and then followed with another 3/4 page describing all the various unhorsings which followed it. What's the point of including something if you don't make it matter, hmm?
301-400 will be posted tomorrow.
Pages 101-200
Pages 201-300:
1. Dany is described thus after her 'marriage' to Drogo: Her thighs were chafed raw, her hands blistered from the reins, the muscles of her legs and back so wracked with pain that she could scarcely sit.
And then...
Yet every night, some time before dawn, Drogo would come to her tent and wake her in the dark, to ride her as relentlessly as he road his stallion. He always took her from behind, Dothraki fashion, for which Dany was grateful; that way her lord husband could not see the tears that wet her face, and she could use her pillow to muffle her cries of pain.
CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW FUCKED UP THIS RELATIONSHIP IS? PLEASE, DEAR GOD, CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT? THIS IS LITERALLY THE MOST DISTURBING RELATIONSHIP I'VE EVER READ, AND IT IS TREATED AS SOMETHING THAT MADE DANY STRONGER AND WHICH EVENTUALLY TURNED INTO LOVE. EXCUSE ME, MARTIN YOU SICK FUCK, THAT IS NOT HOW PEOPLE WORK.
2. And then and then...
She began to find pleasure even in her nights, and if she still cried out when Drogo took her, it was not always in pain.
Is this supposed to be romance growing? Or character development? Because what it is is an incredibly extreme form of Stockholm syndrome and to be honest, it's character regression. Dany loses all her (justified) fear of Drogo and unhappiness about her situation because... somehow she starts to enjoy the sex? Forgive me, but that sounds a lot like someone's terribly twisted fantasy.
3. "The common people pray for rain, healthy children, and a summer that never ends," Ser Jorah told her. "It is no matter to them if the high lords play their game of thrones, so long as they are left in peace." He gave a shrug. "They never are."
One of the worst things about this book is that it shows flashes of being good. This, right here, this is an interesting theme. Of course, Martin can't actually explore it, because every single one of his characters are melodramatically placed nobles. It's so, so frustrating to see moments like this, when it looks like it could become something interesting and real and important, and then it swerves away into more unnecessary sex scenes.
4. She rode him as fiercely as ever she had ridden her silver, and when the moment of his pleasure came, Khal Drogo called out her name.
They were on the far side of the Dothraki sea when Jhiqui brushed the soft swell of Dany's stomach with her fingers and said, "Khaleesi, you are with child."
"I know," Dany told her.
It was her fourteenth name day.
JESUS FUCK THESE TWO I CANNOT EVEN
I CAN'T
I FUCKING CAN'T
THIS IS THE MOST DISTURBING RELATIONSHIP I HAVE EVER, EVER READ.
THE.
MOST.
5. Two solid pages describing every single knight in the tournament, their armor, their coats of arms, and a whole lot of shit no one cares about. TWO SOLID PAGES. And I am not exaggerationg one bit; if anything, I'm underestimating the exact length.
6. And now the world would forget his name too, Sansa realized; there would be no songs sung for him. That was sad.
Yet again, here is an interesting theme - the way the nobility discards not only commoners, but sometimes its own as well - which is briefly mentioned, dismissed with a trivial understatement of bland emotion, and then followed with another 3/4 page describing all the various unhorsings which followed it. What's the point of including something if you don't make it matter, hmm?
301-400 will be posted tomorrow.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
A Game of Thrones rant, part 2
Pages 1-100
Pages 101-200:
1. So, the girl who's 'the blood of the dragon' is given three supposedly dead dragon eggs as a wedding gift? GEE, I WONDER IF THEY WILL HATCH. And, spoilers! they do. In the last chapter. Which means I literally predicted this 700 pages early.
Learn to write a fucking plot, Martin.
2. "That's good, bastard. Most men would rather deny a hard truth than face it."
"Most men," the boy said. "But not you."
Conversations like this - the 'most people x but not you' thing - drive me nuts. Cop-out characterization ahoy!
3. He saw Winterfell as the eagles see it, the tall towers looking squat and stubby from above, the castle walls just lines in the drt. He saw Maester Luwin on his balcony, studying the sky through a polished bronze tube and frowning as he made notes in a book. He saw his brother Rob, taller and stronger than he remembered him, practicing swordplay in the yard with real steel in his hand. (This continues for some time.)
This is a recap episode. In a book, not in an anime where it's part of the form. This entire chapter is repetitive, dull, and out of place. Books do not have recap episodes, and that's all it is.
4. Constant repetition. In this part it's the idea that at Winterfell, 'the hot waters ran through the walls like blood through a man's body'. In that exact phrasing. Over. AND OVER. AND OVER AGAIN. The simile doesn't even change! And then, just to be sure that you don't mistake it for some sort of thematic phrase (as opposed to just plain bad writing, which is what it is) it's dropped for the rest of the book.
5. "You're a Snow, not a Stark. You're a bastard and a bully."
"A bully?" Jon almost choked on the word. The accusation was so unjust it took his breath away.
Jon at the Wall is even more unbearable than Jon at Winterfell, because there he at least displayed a modicum of humility. Once he reaches the Wall, he shows a petulant, whiny, pseudo-lordling side rife with entitlement. Despite everything that he and others have said before, he makes no effort to really find his place there. The inconsistency in this characterization is staggering.
6. Jon gets the letter informing him that Bran is okay, and he magically stops being an asshole.
Why?
Because George R. R. Martin can't write genuine character development to save his life.
Pages 201-300 to come.
Pages 101-200:
1. So, the girl who's 'the blood of the dragon' is given three supposedly dead dragon eggs as a wedding gift? GEE, I WONDER IF THEY WILL HATCH. And, spoilers! they do. In the last chapter. Which means I literally predicted this 700 pages early.
Learn to write a fucking plot, Martin.
2. "That's good, bastard. Most men would rather deny a hard truth than face it."
"Most men," the boy said. "But not you."
Conversations like this - the 'most people x but not you' thing - drive me nuts. Cop-out characterization ahoy!
3. He saw Winterfell as the eagles see it, the tall towers looking squat and stubby from above, the castle walls just lines in the drt. He saw Maester Luwin on his balcony, studying the sky through a polished bronze tube and frowning as he made notes in a book. He saw his brother Rob, taller and stronger than he remembered him, practicing swordplay in the yard with real steel in his hand. (This continues for some time.)
This is a recap episode. In a book, not in an anime where it's part of the form. This entire chapter is repetitive, dull, and out of place. Books do not have recap episodes, and that's all it is.
4. Constant repetition. In this part it's the idea that at Winterfell, 'the hot waters ran through the walls like blood through a man's body'. In that exact phrasing. Over. AND OVER. AND OVER AGAIN. The simile doesn't even change! And then, just to be sure that you don't mistake it for some sort of thematic phrase (as opposed to just plain bad writing, which is what it is) it's dropped for the rest of the book.
5. "You're a Snow, not a Stark. You're a bastard and a bully."
"A bully?" Jon almost choked on the word. The accusation was so unjust it took his breath away.
Jon at the Wall is even more unbearable than Jon at Winterfell, because there he at least displayed a modicum of humility. Once he reaches the Wall, he shows a petulant, whiny, pseudo-lordling side rife with entitlement. Despite everything that he and others have said before, he makes no effort to really find his place there. The inconsistency in this characterization is staggering.
6. Jon gets the letter informing him that Bran is okay, and he magically stops being an asshole.
Why?
Because George R. R. Martin can't write genuine character development to save his life.
Pages 201-300 to come.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
A Game of Thrones rant, part 1
I know I said no Saturday post this week but I can't -
I can't -
I'm so annoyed by this book and I have to get it out and I don't want to use up my entire character count on Goodreads so I'm going to post rants here, broken down into units of one hundred pages each.
Here are my responses to pages 1-100. It's all quote-and-reaction.
1. Bram thought about it. "Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?"
"That is the only time a man can be brave," his father told him.
Ham-handed 'OH LOOK AT MY MORAL CHARACTER' and poor writing. This is a trope of the fantasy genre; if Martin intends to invoke it, he needs to do something new with it.
2. "Let them see that you have a woman's shape now." His fingers brushed lightly over her budding breasts and tightened on a nipple. "You will not fail me tonight. If you do, it will go hard for you. You don't want to wake the dragon, do you?" His fingers twisted her, the pinch cruelly hard through the rough fabric of her tunic. "Do you?" he repeated.
"No," Dany said meekly.
Her brother smiled. "Good."
I have a lot of issues with the sibling relationships in this book, but the one between Dany and Viserys is by far the worst. Something about a brother grabbing and twisting his thirteen year-old sister's nipple just crosses a line for me. Go figure.
3. She was Illyrio's favorite, a fair-haired, blue-eyed wench of sixteen who chattered constantly as she worked.
Martin does understand that 'wench' has a very specific connotation, right? Right? And that it's not a word to toss around casually?
... clearly not.
4. He smiled sweetly at her. "I'd let his whole khalasar fuck you if need be, sweet sister, all forty thousand men and their horses too if that was what it took to get my army."
Viserys needs to die. End of story. Also, so many people praise Martin for writing no truly moral or immoral characters. What, I wonder, is wrong with their moral compasses if they think Viserys isn't dyed-in-the-wool immoral and written as such?
5. Somewhere off in the distance, a wolf howled. Crows circled the broken tower, waiting for corn.
GODDAMMIT THIS IS NOT HOW TO END A CHAPTER. It would be fine, albeit a bit cliche, without the second sentence. With said sentence, it just feels... flat. Like it got hacked off, instead of neatly tied with a bow as a chapter should be. Or, you know, like it was written by an amateur.
6. "No, I just want to stand on top of the Wall and piss off the edge of the world."
You know, I think this actually captures my problems with this book in a nutshell: good ideas, like the Wall (700 feet high, made of ice to keep the monsters out? yesplease) which have been urinated on by fantasy tropes that were stale when they were new, crassness with no meaning, 'realism' which only shows a lack of understanding of the genre, and characters who are neither likeable nor sympathetic.
7. No quote for this, but it's splattered all over - Jon Snow and his terrible, stereotypical, ANNOYING AS FUCK status as Author's Darling In Chief. Martin makes it seem like Jon can do no wrong. He's kind, willing to give things up for his half-siblings, respectful, good with a blade, tall-dark-slender-quick, and he's got an albino direwolf to follow him around. I'd bet good money that his shit don't stink. It's nauseating.
101-200 to come soonish.
I can't -
I'm so annoyed by this book and I have to get it out and I don't want to use up my entire character count on Goodreads so I'm going to post rants here, broken down into units of one hundred pages each.
Here are my responses to pages 1-100. It's all quote-and-reaction.
1. Bram thought about it. "Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?"
"That is the only time a man can be brave," his father told him.
Ham-handed 'OH LOOK AT MY MORAL CHARACTER' and poor writing. This is a trope of the fantasy genre; if Martin intends to invoke it, he needs to do something new with it.
2. "Let them see that you have a woman's shape now." His fingers brushed lightly over her budding breasts and tightened on a nipple. "You will not fail me tonight. If you do, it will go hard for you. You don't want to wake the dragon, do you?" His fingers twisted her, the pinch cruelly hard through the rough fabric of her tunic. "Do you?" he repeated.
"No," Dany said meekly.
Her brother smiled. "Good."
I have a lot of issues with the sibling relationships in this book, but the one between Dany and Viserys is by far the worst. Something about a brother grabbing and twisting his thirteen year-old sister's nipple just crosses a line for me. Go figure.
3. She was Illyrio's favorite, a fair-haired, blue-eyed wench of sixteen who chattered constantly as she worked.
Martin does understand that 'wench' has a very specific connotation, right? Right? And that it's not a word to toss around casually?
... clearly not.
4. He smiled sweetly at her. "I'd let his whole khalasar fuck you if need be, sweet sister, all forty thousand men and their horses too if that was what it took to get my army."
Viserys needs to die. End of story. Also, so many people praise Martin for writing no truly moral or immoral characters. What, I wonder, is wrong with their moral compasses if they think Viserys isn't dyed-in-the-wool immoral and written as such?
5. Somewhere off in the distance, a wolf howled. Crows circled the broken tower, waiting for corn.
GODDAMMIT THIS IS NOT HOW TO END A CHAPTER. It would be fine, albeit a bit cliche, without the second sentence. With said sentence, it just feels... flat. Like it got hacked off, instead of neatly tied with a bow as a chapter should be. Or, you know, like it was written by an amateur.
6. "No, I just want to stand on top of the Wall and piss off the edge of the world."
You know, I think this actually captures my problems with this book in a nutshell: good ideas, like the Wall (700 feet high, made of ice to keep the monsters out? yesplease) which have been urinated on by fantasy tropes that were stale when they were new, crassness with no meaning, 'realism' which only shows a lack of understanding of the genre, and characters who are neither likeable nor sympathetic.
7. No quote for this, but it's splattered all over - Jon Snow and his terrible, stereotypical, ANNOYING AS FUCK status as Author's Darling In Chief. Martin makes it seem like Jon can do no wrong. He's kind, willing to give things up for his half-siblings, respectful, good with a blade, tall-dark-slender-quick, and he's got an albino direwolf to follow him around. I'd bet good money that his shit don't stink. It's nauseating.
101-200 to come soonish.
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